tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66004142777270950182024-03-07T02:26:54.955-05:00addicted 2 chapstickUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-32155060657374866182008-01-24T00:35:00.001-05:002008-04-06T01:53:19.130-04:00catpower just got harder to listen to"oh my god i can't believe this."<br />the girl behind the counter in the card shop couldn't believe it.<br />"heath ledger is dead!"<br /><br />"what? oh my god! that is so sad!"<br />the lady in the fur coat with the too bright fuckme red lipstick couldn't believe it either.<br /><br />"i am in shock."<br />they agreed that it was shocking and so sad.<br />then they began to discuss whether they thought it was drug-related or not.<br /><br />i can't believe it either. i am standing in the greeting card aisle watching and listening to these women mourn the man who is now their favorite celebrity.<br /><br />put down your people magazine because here is some real drug-related tragedy for you. three people whose lives crossed mine and baltimore and the people i love died this past week and that is a lot closer to you than hollywood will ever be.<br /><br />one was a new <a href="http://kaliporniasux.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-dont-want-to-be-addict-anymore-ok.html">father </a>and one was a man that kissed me once<br /> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R_hlEjl04qI/AAAAAAAAAUE/VuNgKfH-GYk/s1600-h/msb.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R_hlEjl04qI/AAAAAAAAAUE/VuNgKfH-GYk/s400/msb.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5186006099864904354" border="0" /></a>and burned me my first catpower cd and one was a woman i never quite knew but i had watched our paths cross several times.<br /><br />these people were fucking young and they never knew they had a chance. or maybe they did but they were just too tired. sometimes you surrender and lightness is revealed. they surrendered and darkness swallowed them up. who is to say which one it will be? i don't know i don't think anyone does.<br /><br />and THAT,<br /><br />now that is truly sad.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-91915277183568338862008-01-21T01:13:00.000-05:002008-01-21T17:35:10.387-05:00choking on egodelete fucking everything would if i could. another down-swing and i plummet fast. trying to hold on close your eyes it will all be over soon but in the meantime fuck the meantime. fuck you fuck him fuck it.<br /><br />i feel it all now and it is sometimes unbearable. the feelings wash over me warm and cool waves over my head down my face and into my chest knotting and twisting up settling in my throat waiting for release. it comes so easily now and i still fight it but it's a lot harder to hold it down. and i feel like i'm crumbling and i'm not used to this i'm not used to being unable to control this.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-81990781793885288662008-01-10T15:12:00.000-05:002008-01-10T15:13:02.035-05:00i can never seem to get far enough away<br />while at the same time<br />it always feels too farUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-25195974794466907162008-01-05T12:32:00.000-05:002008-01-05T12:35:35.133-05:00pretend not to lookjabs of electricity<br />shudder through<br />when i look up<br />and catch<br />his gaze<br />across the room<br />we both pretend<br />we aren't lookingUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-4935108689364341462007-12-26T11:50:00.000-05:002007-12-28T08:49:25.181-05:00a special announcement brought to you on behalf of christmasi need to try in the morning before the coffee passes my lips and stirs up the neurons that scrape across the cheesegrater that makes up my mind. my clock doesn't work and in succession every light i hit on blows off and stays that way because how many of me does it take to change a lightbulb? none apparently i don't care leave them off. inspiration inspiration little glimmers coming back little sparks of light where there havent been in quite some time but the trick is heres the trick- just try to get a grasp on those slippery little shits its not easy i tell you. and heres the thing on another subject because i cant stick with just one subject because they all melt in and out amongst one another all the time- heres the thing- i know what i want and i know what i dont. its true ive finally figured it out. i want what i dont think is possible and i dont want it when i get it. typical right? right. exactly its true and ive always known it and nothing is changing that truth that ive noticed. its always been there and i fear it always will. and yes i know i know i know its not the right way to think i need to take off the shit-colored glasses of perception so to speak as they say and let go of the mentality the blame the role i place myself into again and again right. right right right i know i know but how do i make the know into the feel into the truth? maybe its just time to shut up.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-1099472618947927032007-12-23T11:29:00.000-05:002007-12-23T11:42:19.897-05:00what if all the stars are just an illusion<br />and the truth lies somewhere between here and china<br />i guess we better find something else to wish on<br />and start diggingUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-17137749819671139522007-12-16T12:26:00.000-05:002007-12-16T13:06:29.556-05:00free rats<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R2VnQaeEQpI/AAAAAAAAATg/QT68ZkUiSBE/s1600-h/IMG_2460.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R2VnQaeEQpI/AAAAAAAAATg/QT68ZkUiSBE/s400/IMG_2460.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5144631681021657746" border="0" /></a><br />i can't even tell you how many people have found my blog by searching for "<a href="http://addicted2chapstick.blogspot.com/2007/02/naked-ballerina.html">naked ballerina</a>." a whole lot. and i find it strange that they seem to linger to read it even when i don't have any pictures of naked ballerinas.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R2Vhk6eEQoI/AAAAAAAAATY/hHfR9N-fE9M/s1600-h/IMG_2511.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R2Vhk6eEQoI/AAAAAAAAATY/hHfR9N-fE9M/s400/IMG_2511.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5144625436139209346" border="0" /></a>(burnt down dunkin donuts)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-33985567900173971272007-12-13T21:51:00.000-05:002007-12-13T23:23:08.058-05:00the piecessometimes i am not sure what is the truth. what is my truth, as i would say if i wanted to say something like that, which i don't right now. when i am not sure what the truth is i feel like i'm regressing. but i don't even know what i mean by saying that.<br /><br />my head has caught up with me it always does. i run and run and i look at school and i look at the dishes and i look at the cats and i look at the bills and i look at my friends' problems and i look at the job and the car and the men and the clothes and the money and everyone else and i don't i won't take a look at the truth because look at how busy i am.<br /><br />and i don't even know what it's about because my head it churns it around and round and up and down and shreds what could potentially be the truth into little bits and pieces of nonsense that will not piece together because i don't even know where to start.<br /><br />i feel that through this thing that i'm doing - this thing that i'm working towards- this fucking goal that offers the promise of something called a career- i feel like i am losing myself because i just don't have the time to catch up. and it always comes back to this, this place. and it terrifies me and what terrifies me is not that i find it terrifying it's that i find it so comfortable. and i know that this happens with me and i know it doesn't last forever and i know and i know but what i feel is not what i know and the feelings are what can be dangerous. or is it the lack of feeling- the apathy that i turn to because i am too fucking afraid to truly allow myself the fullness of feeling.<br /><br />and i told myself i wouldn't go up in my head and here i am. it doesn't take much to get me there and i'm off to the races and the rest comes crumbling down and all of a sudden nothing is right and everything is too much and so much is just never enough.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-10644906802227083602007-12-06T15:04:00.000-05:002007-12-06T15:11:10.242-05:00my nostalgia<span style="font-weight: bold;"> We look at the world once, in childhood.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />The rest is memory.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.poeticpeople.com/poem/Louise-Gluck/Nostos.html">From Nostos,<br />by Louise Gluck</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-59144162957813560202007-11-30T16:11:00.000-05:002007-11-30T16:39:27.329-05:00here are some things to think about<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CBZuBaBFI/AAAAAAAAASw/3P4AT5lhOL0/s1600-R/BUSTERLOL.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CBZuBaBFI/AAAAAAAAASw/s9ymmVPRG5I/s400/BUSTERLOL.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138749453680378962" border="0" /></a>yes i made this and submitted it to <a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/">i can has cheezburger</a> yes i know i need some fresh air. it started off as a joke and escaladed into obsession...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CBM-BaBEI/AAAAAAAAASo/XFrdUPy4MJQ/s1600-R/IMG_2302.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CBM-BaBEI/AAAAAAAAASo/4k81mHKVLAk/s400/IMG_2302.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138749234637046850" border="0" /></a>a collection of terrifying and mysterious found babydolls.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CA-eBaBDI/AAAAAAAAASg/WqylAFkormY/s1600-R/IMG_2316.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CA-eBaBDI/AAAAAAAAASg/M_bTsRTFPmk/s400/IMG_2316.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138748985528943666" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B-a-BaBBI/AAAAAAAAASQ/aq3AwONeEko/s1600-R/IMG_2359.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B-a-BaBBI/AAAAAAAAASQ/aRfIiEyCHwY/s400/IMG_2359.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138746176620332050" border="0" /></a>this is what they do.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CAtOBaBCI/AAAAAAAAASY/DItPwP5Yl-U/s1600-R/IMG_2374.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1CAtOBaBCI/AAAAAAAAASY/mYnVpkAde2Q/s400/IMG_2374.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138748689176200226" border="0" /></a>more cat pictures by popular demand.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B94-BaA_I/AAAAAAAAASA/yXHFLwhR7QY/s1600-R/IMG_2396.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B94-BaA_I/AAAAAAAAASA/-nM6OFZttxI/s400/IMG_2396.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138745592504779762" border="0" /></a>red trees in the mcneighborhood.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B86uBaA7I/AAAAAAAAARg/R-nWfv-SHzg/s1600-R/IMG_2380.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B86uBaA7I/AAAAAAAAARg/VdWOAXoCQvM/s400/IMG_2380.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138744523057922994" border="0" /></a>i need this bumper sticker.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B-G-BaBAI/AAAAAAAAASI/sMupbPW3uIY/s1600-R/IMG_2410.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B-G-BaBAI/AAAAAAAAASI/2kIhzSFp1q4/s400/IMG_2410.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138745833022948354" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9ruBaA-I/AAAAAAAAAR4/6I-yidH3AWo/s1600-R/IMG_2411.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9ruBaA-I/AAAAAAAAAR4/LO4N9qtg4bw/s400/IMG_2411.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138745364871513058" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9L-BaA8I/AAAAAAAAARo/UdhL1x6RN_k/s1600-R/IMG_2431.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9L-BaA8I/AAAAAAAAARo/BAXPItjEGTA/s400/IMG_2431.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138744819410666434" border="0" /></a>large.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9UeBaA9I/AAAAAAAAARw/wM0NZuT9D30/s1600-R/IMG_2426.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R1B9UeBaA9I/AAAAAAAAARw/AMgXzPMroSg/s400/IMG_2426.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138744965439554514" border="0" /></a>the WHAT of the lord?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-51711580673979408412007-11-29T15:30:00.000-05:002007-11-29T15:47:26.869-05:00jif peanut butteryou know how back in the day they had those jif peanut butter commercials where the kid would open the jar and there'd be a heart carved into it? well i remember i used to hold onto the false hope that that heart would be there when we opened a new jar of peanut butter and it never was. and every time i'd be disappointed. and every time i'd be filled with the sinking sensation that if i wanted a heart carved into the peanut butter that i would have to be the one to do it. so i did but it was never as satisfying as i felt it should be.<br /><br />there is nothing quite like the smell of dirty linen and dying and hospital food at 7 in the morning. and the moment when his nurse turns to me and says <span style="font-style: italic;">you know, i almost wish he'd expire while you're here so you'd get the experience of seeing what that's like. </span><span>meanwhile i am looking at his eyes, fixed and dilated, wondering if he can hear her. wondering what the hell else people have said at his bedside while he lays there dying.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-54760130116489095402007-11-25T15:35:00.000-05:002007-11-25T15:50:24.227-05:00jeezus fuckso i somehow managed to pull a muscle in my neck/upper back or pinch a nerve or something that is very painful earlier today while WASHING MY HAIR. i guess i should have stretched before attempting to take a shower. i can barely move my head and have to twist my entire body in order to look in different directions.<br /><br />i have been a crazyladyperson for several weeks now due to the horror-producing anxiety stress aneuyrsm that is the cardiac portion of this semester. altho i guess i can't use the word aneurysm anymore in that sense now that i know what it is.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R0nf3eYBLhI/AAAAAAAAARM/hk_99Bc5jJo/s1600-h/IMG_2424.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/R0nf3eYBLhI/AAAAAAAAARM/hk_99Bc5jJo/s400/IMG_2424.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5136882994132364818" border="0" /></a>ahh fuck i just want this school shit to be OVER. i am so sick of living in a world of stress and anxiety attacks on the regular. whenever i am studying i am thinking of other things i could do to further distract myself and every waking minute that im not studying i am guilting myself and telling myself what a goddamned whore i am for not studying. it is pretty vicious inside my head these days.<br /><br />i talk about it so much that my friends are all like <span style="font-style: italic;">oh i'm sure you're fine, you are ALWAYS studying</span>. what they don't seem to understand is that i am alwaying TALKING and OBSESSING about it, and spending ridiculous amounts of time at home alone not studying kind of like what i'm doing right now, and the actual time i am studying is pretty minimal. i read 2 paragraphs and i'm like WHEW i deserve a 3 hour break! ok time for more coffee.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-57931609557904799282007-11-08T14:53:00.000-05:002007-11-08T15:28:00.278-05:00MAKING ITcoffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffee or nap or coffeeornaporcoffeeornaporcoffeeornaporcoffeeornap?<br /><br />i cannot decide. either way i will have problems.<br /><br />in other news, this!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvqiW4TyI/AAAAAAAAARE/Megip2u32KI/s1600-h/IMG_2273.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvqiW4TyI/AAAAAAAAARE/Megip2u32KI/s400/IMG_2273.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130567177073086242" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvdyW4TxI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/_M3fcgjmV1M/s1600-h/IMG_2284.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvdyW4TxI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/_M3fcgjmV1M/s400/IMG_2284.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130566958029754130" border="0" /></a>CHICKENS MAKING IT WITH ONE ANOTHER. HA who says "making it"???<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvKSW4TwI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/IUKRf5z_6eI/s1600-h/IMG_2285.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNvKSW4TwI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/IUKRf5z_6eI/s400/IMG_2285.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130566623022305026" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNu9yW4TvI/AAAAAAAAAQs/0QSKr08336Y/s1600-h/IMG_2286.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNu9yW4TvI/AAAAAAAAAQs/0QSKr08336Y/s400/IMG_2286.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130566408273940210" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuyCW4TuI/AAAAAAAAAQk/aQvOzBDwpCE/s1600-h/IMG_2287.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuyCW4TuI/AAAAAAAAAQk/aQvOzBDwpCE/s400/IMG_2287.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130566206410477282" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuliW4TtI/AAAAAAAAAQc/w5aZc5tXsLk/s1600-h/IMG_2288.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuliW4TtI/AAAAAAAAAQc/w5aZc5tXsLk/s400/IMG_2288.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130565991662112466" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuZCW4TsI/AAAAAAAAAQU/7G7ZsSGa2hs/s1600-h/IMG_2289.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuZCW4TsI/AAAAAAAAAQU/7G7ZsSGa2hs/s400/IMG_2289.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130565776913747650" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuNyW4TrI/AAAAAAAAAQM/oWrR4KGb7Vg/s1600-h/IMG_2290.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNuNyW4TrI/AAAAAAAAAQM/oWrR4KGb7Vg/s400/IMG_2290.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130565583640219314" border="0" /></a>LOOK COCKER SPANIELS.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNt-CW4TqI/AAAAAAAAAQE/a1e29xI1IHg/s1600-h/IMG_2291.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNt-CW4TqI/AAAAAAAAAQE/a1e29xI1IHg/s400/IMG_2291.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130565313057279650" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtxiW4TpI/AAAAAAAAAP8/pF1lW_oi2Ss/s1600-h/IMG_2292.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtxiW4TpI/AAAAAAAAAP8/pF1lW_oi2Ss/s400/IMG_2292.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130565098308914834" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtiCW4ToI/AAAAAAAAAP0/lye1zviH5xQ/s1600-h/IMG_2293.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtiCW4ToI/AAAAAAAAAP0/lye1zviH5xQ/s400/IMG_2293.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130564832020942466" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtRSW4TnI/AAAAAAAAAPs/NH3BiBhJT98/s1600-h/IMG_2294.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtRSW4TnI/AAAAAAAAAPs/NH3BiBhJT98/s400/IMG_2294.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130564544258133618" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtEiW4TmI/AAAAAAAAAPk/vrw2xM5niQQ/s1600-h/IMG_2295.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNtEiW4TmI/AAAAAAAAAPk/vrw2xM5niQQ/s400/IMG_2295.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130564325214801506" border="0" /></a>UH OH.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsuiW4TlI/AAAAAAAAAPc/BG_0ZQlVY-A/s1600-h/IMG_2296.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsuiW4TlI/AAAAAAAAAPc/BG_0ZQlVY-A/s400/IMG_2296.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130563947257679442" border="0" /></a>now THIS is different.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsdyW4TkI/AAAAAAAAAPU/w1HhuEOSX6A/s1600-h/IMG_2297.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsdyW4TkI/AAAAAAAAAPU/w1HhuEOSX6A/s400/IMG_2297.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130563659494870594" border="0" /></a>let's skip all the internal stuff shall we?<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsKSW4TjI/AAAAAAAAAPM/VUtXoSS_xXM/s1600-h/IMG_2298.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNsKSW4TjI/AAAAAAAAAPM/VUtXoSS_xXM/s400/IMG_2298.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130563324487421490" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNr8iW4TiI/AAAAAAAAAPE/SfXbwQalaEk/s1600-h/IMG_2299.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNr8iW4TiI/AAAAAAAAAPE/SfXbwQalaEk/s400/IMG_2299.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130563088264220194" border="0" /></a>black pretend penis.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNrxCW4ThI/AAAAAAAAAO8/0yY_-FxPOac/s1600-h/me5.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RzNrxCW4ThI/AAAAAAAAAO8/0yY_-FxPOac/s400/me5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130562890695724562" border="0" /></a>that is all for now. sorry i just felt like being 14 today. i am gonna go drink coffee now i think.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-56017105802024828692007-11-04T23:37:00.000-05:002007-11-04T23:38:11.115-05:00zipzipzip it up<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GysVPNMCUrE&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GysVPNMCUrE&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-15757799389094556332007-11-01T14:18:00.001-04:002007-11-01T15:08:52.865-04:00this past weekend<recent text="" message="" conversation=""><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><</span><span>recent text message conversation><br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">murl</span>: who do you think is gayer me or you?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">kali</span>: its a tie!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">murl</span>: we <a href="http://kaliporniasux.blogspot.com/2007/10/blog-post_30.html">both </a>took artistic pictures of hacks lil blue ramp</recent><br /><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">kali</span>: oh my god i just laughed out loud</recent><br /><br /><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyoZVj4zjUI/AAAAAAAAANo/TSA0AJdrFtY/s1600-h/IMG_2202.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyoZVj4zjUI/AAAAAAAAANo/TSA0AJdrFtY/s400/IMG_2202.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127938983916178754" border="0" /></a></recent></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><recent text="" message="" conversation=""></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><br />and for halloween.......<br />get yer rave on!<br /><br /></recent><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryoc-T4zjXI/AAAAAAAAAOA/NhNvtbi2yBE/s1600-h/IMG_2168.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryoc-T4zjXI/AAAAAAAAAOA/NhNvtbi2yBE/s400/IMG_2168.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127942982530731378" border="0" /></a><br />thank you ebay for the last-minute ridiculously large pants.<br /><br /></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyoeLz4zjZI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/216TgUWYoh0/s1600-h/IMG_2185.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyoeLz4zjZI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/216TgUWYoh0/s400/IMG_2185.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127944313970593170" border="0" /></a><br />i made the necklaces myself. too bad you can't see what the letters say ("i love drugs" and "candy roll party")<br /><br /></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyocmD4zjWI/AAAAAAAAAN4/lS1GRLyIUIU/s1600-h/IMG_2190b.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyocmD4zjWI/AAAAAAAAAN4/lS1GRLyIUIU/s400/IMG_2190b.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127942565918903650" border="0" /></a></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><br />i lost in the "most creative" contest to grapes tho. i guess i gotta hand it to her....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryof2j4zjbI/AAAAAAAAAOc/V33OfZn6gAQ/s1600-h/IMG_2152b.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 330px; height: 336px;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryof2j4zjbI/AAAAAAAAAOc/V33OfZn6gAQ/s400/IMG_2152b.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127946147921628594" border="0" /></a></recent><recent text="" message="" conversation=""><br />ritchie and <a href="http://kaliporniasux.blogspot.com/">margot </a>tenenbaum won "best couple," as they should've.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryod4T4zjYI/AAAAAAAAAOI/Hz28jZJyoDo/s1600-h/IMG_2162.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryod4T4zjYI/AAAAAAAAAOI/Hz28jZJyoDo/s400/IMG_2162.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127943978963144066" border="0" /></a><br />come on now!! kali is talented. i think the floppy pink gloves were my favorite part.<br /><br /></recent><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryohez4zjdI/AAAAAAAAAOs/JNdmG_MlZyc/s1600-h/royaltenpub3b.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 221px; height: 270px;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ryohez4zjdI/AAAAAAAAAOs/JNdmG_MlZyc/s400/royaltenpub3b.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127947938922991058" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-14317394642477954232007-10-30T22:46:00.000-04:002007-10-31T10:32:51.336-04:00sicki am sick and i am sick of it. sometimes tho i like being sick. don't get me wrong it sucks to be sick. but sometimes what i like is the fuzziness in my head, the way your head clouds when you are sick and sometimes it is almost similar to being stoned. is that sick? it is cloudy and muggy and the things you think about you repeat back to yourself in your head and it's almost like you can hear yourself saying it. and it reminds me a little of what it was like all those years sitting on the landing of the iron staircase off my parents kitchen chain smoking and scribbling incoherant works of profound genius in my stoner little notebook about being comfortably numb and quoting a bunch of pink floyd and shit, nodding in and out and coming to and seeing the amount of time i lost in the lump of ash that was dangling off the end of my cigarette. and remembering what it was like to have those little aha moments -that sounds like something oprah would say- where id realize my fucking potential and think things to myself about how fucking brilliant i was and for a moment i could see the truth about life and i just knew i was alone in it and at the same time hating myself so much so much wanting to fucking drive myself into head-on traffic because there was no hope that it would ever get better or that i would ever be not so fucking alone in it. its funny looking back and seeing how those two ends of the spectrum existed at the same time. but from what ive seen and the people ive known ive come to realize that those 2 viewpoints tend to go hand-in-hand it happens all the time. ive seen the greatest minds of our generation also tend to be the fucking stupidest. where did all this come from? i dont know i am sick i was just sitting here looking at my cat look at me and i started to remember some things.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyfzBD4zjTI/AAAAAAAAANg/rhpgv8ZJBJw/s1600-h/IMG_1815b.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 384px; height: 288px;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RyfzBD4zjTI/AAAAAAAAANg/rhpgv8ZJBJw/s400/IMG_1815b.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127333900333583666" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-27820734121423500142007-10-26T22:16:00.000-04:002007-10-26T22:18:33.677-04:00my lifethis is what my cat does when i ignore him for 5 seconds. i do not have the energy to sort thru those papers they are killing me.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IVUjG7QAL-M&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IVUjG7QAL-M&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-26355977862659184772007-10-24T08:19:00.000-04:002007-10-27T10:48:39.079-04:00West Virginia!!!i went camping in west virginia this weekend. here.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AWP4lkEI/AAAAAAAAANQ/MnXpPs2ieUg/s1600-h/IMG_1922.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AWP4lkEI/AAAAAAAAANQ/MnXpPs2ieUg/s400/IMG_1922.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124956020680265794" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AOP4lkDI/AAAAAAAAANI/R4_Er5EqM4o/s1600-h/IMG_1942.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AOP4lkDI/AAAAAAAAANI/R4_Er5EqM4o/s400/IMG_1942.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124955883241312306" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AFP4lkCI/AAAAAAAAANA/kCe7DA1pOv8/s1600-h/IMG_1940.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx-AFP4lkCI/AAAAAAAAANA/kCe7DA1pOv8/s400/IMG_1940.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124955728622489634" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_6_4lkBI/AAAAAAAAAM4/Ao5ZVFa0rXg/s1600-h/IMG_1952.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_6_4lkBI/AAAAAAAAAM4/Ao5ZVFa0rXg/s400/IMG_1952.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124955552528830482" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_wv4lkAI/AAAAAAAAAMw/LijiHzlEcGs/s1600-h/IMG_1953.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_wv4lkAI/AAAAAAAAAMw/LijiHzlEcGs/s400/IMG_1953.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124955376435171330" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_jv4lj_I/AAAAAAAAAMo/2oQ6GSxBU0g/s1600-h/IMG_1968.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_jv4lj_I/AAAAAAAAAMo/2oQ6GSxBU0g/s400/IMG_1968.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124955153096871922" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_N_4lj-I/AAAAAAAAAMg/qqMBtczv3zw/s1600-h/IMG_1980.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_N_4lj-I/AAAAAAAAAMg/qqMBtczv3zw/s400/IMG_1980.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124954779434717154" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_E_4lj9I/AAAAAAAAAMY/TACWhEFBOCY/s1600-h/IMG_1991.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9_E_4lj9I/AAAAAAAAAMY/TACWhEFBOCY/s400/IMG_1991.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124954624815894482" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9-7P4lj8I/AAAAAAAAAMQ/l5afVhbKxJQ/s1600-h/IMG_1996.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx9-7P4lj8I/AAAAAAAAAMQ/l5afVhbKxJQ/s400/IMG_1996.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124954457312169922" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx86iv4lj6I/AAAAAAAAAMA/XGSti2xJ73g/s1600-h/IMG_2001.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx86iv4lj6I/AAAAAAAAAMA/XGSti2xJ73g/s400/IMG_2001.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124879269614686114" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx86V_4lj5I/AAAAAAAAAL4/DJGh9N9sero/s1600-h/IMG_2014.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 417px; height: 242px;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx86V_4lj5I/AAAAAAAAAL4/DJGh9N9sero/s400/IMG_2014.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124879050571354002" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85PP4lj1I/AAAAAAAAALY/eXlP44Gu8So/s1600-h/IMG_2027.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85PP4lj1I/AAAAAAAAALY/eXlP44Gu8So/s400/IMG_2027.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124877835095609170" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85Cf4lj0I/AAAAAAAAALQ/fe2NP0vZuJs/s1600-h/IMG_2051.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85Cf4lj0I/AAAAAAAAALQ/fe2NP0vZuJs/s400/IMG_2051.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124877616052277058" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85xv4lj3I/AAAAAAAAALo/oXwI3Fr_sbU/s1600-h/IMG_2024.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx85xv4lj3I/AAAAAAAAALo/oXwI3Fr_sbU/s400/IMG_2024.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124878427801096050" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84zf4ljzI/AAAAAAAAALI/s73DbMsSqGI/s1600-h/IMG_2069.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84zf4ljzI/AAAAAAAAALI/s73DbMsSqGI/s400/IMG_2069.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124877358354239282" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84m_4ljyI/AAAAAAAAALA/dUSerXA-RVg/s1600-h/IMG_2088.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84m_4ljyI/AAAAAAAAALA/dUSerXA-RVg/s400/IMG_2088.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124877143605874466" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84f_4ljxI/AAAAAAAAAK4/7GnUzdxxhXg/s1600-h/IMG_2090.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rx84f_4ljxI/AAAAAAAAAK4/7GnUzdxxhXg/s400/IMG_2090.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5124877023346790162" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-24192501753092580362007-10-16T22:07:00.000-04:002007-10-18T13:32:56.254-04:00owi just got back from having an 8 year old tattoo on my back touched up and fuck me sideways with an anvil if that shit didn't hurt 3,000 times worse than the first time! fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. that is what i said over and over again in my head. trying to breathe, my nerves on fire, the pain deep deep down so intense shooting down my spine into my legs until i felt my insides shaking, praying for him to stop.<br /><br />i was so tough tho. hahahahha no. no more back tattoos for me.. for now.<br /><br />my 7 week stint in the psych ward is over, and i miss it. seriously. i knew the minute it started that this is what i should be doing. let's share a few moments of what it was like.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">week 1</span><br />i walk over to the wide-eyed tall elderly man with the walker who is waving at me. he is pale and has red circles under his eyes.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: hello,<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: I'VE GOT ARTHRITIS! -he has buck teeth and a voice almost identical to that of goofy, no lie-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: oh..<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: I'VE GOT IT HERE, AND HERE, AND HERE, AND HERE! -he points to his knees and hips and various other body parts-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: oh.. i'm sorry. are you seeing a doctor for that?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: YEAH. the doctor gives me pills to take. he said to take one SO I TAKE 100 IS THAT BAD?! -he grabs my arm and stoops down, smiling at me-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: you mean you take 100 milligrams?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him: </span>NO.... he says take one SO I TAKE 100! IS THAT BAD?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me: </span>well, i would think that if he said to take one then you should probably just take one pill, don't you think?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: TODAY I TOOK 500! AND THEN I TOOK 1,000!<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: wow, that's an awful lot of medicine.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: YUP!! -nodding and laughing-<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">week 2</span><br />i decide to go talk to the dude with the mustache sitting at the round table, staring into space.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: hello, i'm [murl], ok if i sit down?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>: I CAN'T URINATE PROPERLY!<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: oh..<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">him: </span>-slams his head down on the table-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>: ok, well, see you later.<br /><br /><br />AUGH FUCK i wrote like a fucking amazing novel here and it is gone gone gone it didn't save and computer died and FUCK BLARG.<br />oh well maybe i will try again another day- until then you will have to live in suspense.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-31969256259003334482007-10-04T15:58:00.001-04:002007-10-15T18:42:13.935-04:00my grandmother's journalthe woman i was named after died when i was about 12. i have only vague memories of her. i remember visiting her in florida. i remember thinking that that is where everybodys grandparents went when they got old. <br /><br />i remember her favorite color was yellow. everything in her house was yellow. and i remember she had 2 best friends. one of them lived in a condo where everything was blue because that was her favorite color. the other one liked pink so everything in her condo was pink. i remember thinking that is what you are supposed to do when you get old- decorate your condo in florida according to your favorite color. <br /><br />i also remember her telling me to chew my food up real good everytime i was eating around her, i guess she said it to instill non-choking skills in me. whenever we would come to visit i would see all of my drawings on her refrigerator. years and years worth- she never threw them away.<br /><br />so last weekend my mother tells that my nana kept 2 journals. one written about the dark times and one about the good times. she started them when she was in the hospital after having heart surgery. it has been nearly 15 years and my mom tells me about these journals. so i read them and felt.... i don't know i guess kinda emotional? i copied some excepts from them down. here is a little:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">As I was growing up I started roller skaiting and ice skating and used to race the boys on the ice pond and I used to ride my bike out on Jericho turnpike before it was paved. All the roads were dirt and when it rained it was all mud.<br /> Growing up I liked to dance and I would only date boys that were good dancers and I went to Catillians and many wonderful places to dance, like the Aster hotel and saw Frank Sinatra when he was young and skinny.<br /><br />My sister was 10 years younger and real cute always wanted me to take her shopping for clothes and things and one night she wanted to go roller skating and there was a place called Pavillion Royal in Valley Stream that had changed to a roller rink with a beautiful big organ and we started to skate to the music and I saw this handsome man and he tripped me (I think) and he picked me up and I felt a thrill from my head to my toes and I knew he was the one for me (Joe C, Oct 4, 1938). I was going with an other fellow who was a teller in the fire Dept (Gerry Haggarty) and they both gave me bracelets for Xmas, one was silver that was Joe's and the other was gold. They both wanted to take me out New Years but I took Joe C after and dropped the other one and we went together for four years.<br /> When we met, Joe's father had a stroke and couldn't work so we had to wait, finally we planned our Wedding for Nov 26, 1942, it was a small one, not being Catholic we could not get married in church so we had the marriage in the Priest's Room and the reception with only the family in a lovely Restaraunt, it was Thanksgiving Day so of course we had turkey and my Uncle Frank played the Piano.<span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-22793214459506316912007-09-16T19:16:00.001-04:002007-09-16T19:19:52.446-04:00church sign sunday part 2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ru251rJODYI/AAAAAAAAAKw/oz_6mx8OVTo/s1600-h/IMG_0792.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Ru251rJODYI/AAAAAAAAAKw/oz_6mx8OVTo/s400/IMG_0792.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110945483900980610" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-42563414993338486112007-09-12T13:36:00.000-04:002007-10-03T15:38:08.589-04:00remember SILVER SPOONS?here we are-<br />face to face<br />a couple of SILVER SPOONS!<br />hopin’ to find,<br />we’re two of a kind<br />making a go,<br />MAKING IT GROW!!<br /><br />TOGETHEEERR!!!!<br />we’re going to find our waaaay<br />TOGETHEEEERR!!!!<br />taking the time each daaaay<br />to learn all about-<br />those<br />things<br />you<br />just<br />can’t<br />buuuuyy!!<br /><br />it popped into my head a few weeks ago and i thought it was gone...<br /><br />but i was sick this weekend. fever and everything. and i shit you not everytime i get a fever i remember the episode where ricky wanted to fake sick and stay home from school so he told his dad he had a fever and so he took the thermometer when his dad wasn't looking and held it up against the light bulb except he fucked it up because it went up to 104 or something.<br /><br />so i remember i tried the same thing when i was a kid. i can't remember if it worked or not. so yeah, this is what springs into mind whenever i have a fever. funny the shit my brain holds onto all this time later.<br /><br />enjoy the following blast from the past.<br /><br /><script language="JavaScript" src="http://www.stlyrics.com/undertext.js"></script><object height="350" width="425"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wzDaNEJudAs" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="350" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br /><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Sd4C8_FMdjA"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Sd4C8_FMdjA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="350" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />sorry kali i know you've heard enough about silver spoons. this is the last of it i promise.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-15083265476358620212007-09-11T22:33:00.000-04:002007-09-11T22:36:57.579-04:00church sign tuesdayi keep forgetting to keep up with my "church sign sunday" posts that i did that one time. so fuck it here is one for tuesday.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RudQq7JODXI/AAAAAAAAAJk/3w4fZDya_ws/s1600-h/ur.jpeg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RudQq7JODXI/AAAAAAAAAJk/3w4fZDya_ws/s400/ur.jpeg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109141000636206450" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-86247225599929513372007-08-25T18:33:00.000-04:002007-08-26T01:29:52.784-04:00filth and derelictionhere is a haiku:<br /><br />listen up here cat<br />i will be forced to shave you<br />please stop shedding now<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEIKb_t_mI/AAAAAAAAAI0/Pttt-xSTrwQ/s1600-h/IMG_1318.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEIKb_t_mI/AAAAAAAAAI0/Pttt-xSTrwQ/s400/IMG_1318.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102868828194209378" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEIs7_t_nI/AAAAAAAAAI8/Pugt-CUit68/s1600-h/IMG_1333.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEIs7_t_nI/AAAAAAAAAI8/Pugt-CUit68/s400/IMG_1333.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102869420899696242" border="0" /></a>the other day the disgustingness that i had let my apartment become was overwhelming me to the point that i had to do something. but first i decided to take some pictures because that was fun. i told myself that maybe by having the pictures to look at i would become motivated to actually clean. but then i took a nap because the idea of cleaning is very exhausting.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEJN7_t_oI/AAAAAAAAAJE/zcoYCBu1fNY/s1600-h/IMG_1316.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEJN7_t_oI/AAAAAAAAAJE/zcoYCBu1fNY/s400/IMG_1316.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102869987835379330" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEKiL_t_pI/AAAAAAAAAJM/amOC4ZRgj5A/s1600-h/IMG_1356.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEKiL_t_pI/AAAAAAAAAJM/amOC4ZRgj5A/s400/IMG_1356.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102871435239358098" border="0" /></a>today i finally did it. it took everything i had, and i even did 300 loads of laundry. it was a productive day. i assure you tho, my sink is full AGAIN. it happened like 5 minutes after i did the dishes. i swear i just had a cup of coffee and the next thing i know, there was a monstrosity in my sink.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtELlb_t_qI/AAAAAAAAAJU/8KGvsRlbBo8/s1600-h/IMG_1348.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtELlb_t_qI/AAAAAAAAAJU/8KGvsRlbBo8/s400/IMG_1348.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102872590585560738" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEMar_t_rI/AAAAAAAAAJc/14q51YZf2l0/s1600-h/IMG_1345.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/RtEMar_t_rI/AAAAAAAAAJc/14q51YZf2l0/s400/IMG_1345.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102873505413594802" border="0" /></a> HIP HIP HOORAY for the pez dispenser collection, FINALLY back on display! if you count you will notice that there is the EXACT SAME NUMBER of pez guys on each shelf. also note: there can not be 2 of the same color standing next to each other anywhere. shit, at least i didn't group them into categories- I'M NOT THAT OBSESSIVE!<br /><br />i am irritated that there is so much blank space in my stupid layout here.<br /><---------------- see? it makes my paragraphs take up a lot of space and this bothers me.<br /><br />i do not know how to change this. i imagine it has to do with not having one of those custom blogger layouts but i do not know how to do fancy computer stuff. please point me in the right direction if you know how to do this.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6600414277727095018.post-64890599267616063752007-08-25T00:04:00.000-04:002007-08-25T00:38:16.293-04:00you are the parking lot champion<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-usL_t_lI/AAAAAAAAAIs/CArK851x0fI/s1600-h/IMG_1358.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-usL_t_lI/AAAAAAAAAIs/CArK851x0fI/s400/IMG_1358.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102488976991583826" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-q7L_t_fI/AAAAAAAAAH8/r7B8dWSPkpQ/s1600-h/IMG_1359.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-q7L_t_fI/AAAAAAAAAH8/r7B8dWSPkpQ/s400/IMG_1359.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102484836643110386" border="0" /></a>you know what is funny? i was looking at these pictures thinking, oh my, i should certainly blur out this person's license plate if i am going to post this on the internet.<br /><br />and then i realized, RICH PRICKS who ruin MY PARKING SPOT at 8am when i am going into work certainly deserve to be exposed on the internet.<br /><br />also, i have found interesting ways to help pass the time at this job. camera manual-setting experimentation time!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-sib_t_gI/AAAAAAAAAIE/pQIGNSfzPE4/s1600-h/IMG_0964.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-sib_t_gI/AAAAAAAAAIE/pQIGNSfzPE4/s400/IMG_0964.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102486610464603650" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-tfb_t_iI/AAAAAAAAAIU/KmgYoyVE7QQ/s1600-h/IMG_0987.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-tfb_t_iI/AAAAAAAAAIU/KmgYoyVE7QQ/s400/IMG_0987.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102487658436623906" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-s5r_t_hI/AAAAAAAAAIM/Ykurd4tmoG0/s1600-h/IMG_0980.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-s5r_t_hI/AAAAAAAAAIM/Ykurd4tmoG0/s400/IMG_0980.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102487009896562194" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-uBL_t_jI/AAAAAAAAAIc/DgZD8sJvV9Q/s1600-h/IMG_0988.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_q9W98yIwHDo/Rs-uBL_t_jI/AAAAAAAAAIc/DgZD8sJvV9Q/s400/IMG_0988.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102488238257208882" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2