little drowning baby birds

it would be a lot easier to breathe if my nose wasn't so full of snot. it is amazing. sometimes i wonder where it all comes from. my body is an endless snot factory. i can't wait until i get a digital camera. i have gone through an entire kleenex box in the past 36 hours. i would take sudafed or something but i'm not really into the whole "just did a bunch of meth" feeling so much anymore.

earlier i was driving down this street- the kind that have the little trees planted every so often down the median- and i noticed, since all the leaves are gone, all the birds nests. there were a shitload of them. almost every tree had a little birds nest in it. some more than one. and for some reason i couldn't stop looking at all the little birds nests and thinking about how crazy it is, the process the birds must go through to build them and how their instincts tell them to do it and how wild all that is. so it was starting to rain a little and then i started thinking, WAIT! what are the birds going to do?! what do they do in their nests when it rains and they have their eggs or babies in there? and i know some of those nests are thick and they could probably collect water and i am imagining it in my snot-filled head, conjuring up an image of this distressed little bird whose nest is filling up with cold water and the eggs are floating and i am like starting to get all anxious just thinking about it, freaking myself out the way i do like when i start thinking about homeless animals and lonely old people and i'm becoming all distraught-like.

and then i finally realized that it is WINTER time and the birds are not there because they don't lay eggs in the winter. and when they are there in the spring and what-not the leaves are probably protecting them from the rain and potential nest-flooding situation.

and then i start wondering about the directions my mind tends to wander in and how it starts and where it can end up and how i really want to pay more attention to this kind of stuff. like the details that i don't normally pay attention to because i am so caught up in my day to day life stuff. and how i've been wanting so badly to start writing again, writing about something, ANYTHING for chrissakes and how i feel like i've been blocked for so long and it's about time to do something about that. like i used to have this outlet and not only did i have a way of expressing myself and going into some sort of creative head zone, which, not only was it my fucking therapy for myself, but i was good at it. it was like, the thing i was good at and it's been missing for way too long. so i figured maybe i would write about the weird little things that pop in and out of my head and maybe that would be a start. and not worry about writing amazing things that will make people think i'm so awesome and funny and interesting. because i have been spending a ridiculous amount of time (instead of studying- i'm good at finding alternatives to doing that) snooping through people's blogs on here (yes i am totally new to this stuff) and finding so many interesting people who are super awesome writers and who have a fucking great sense of humor- like my kinda humor- which is so rare these days for me to find. so what i mean to say is, it's pretty cool. i guess that's the whole point of this thing, right? to put your stuff out there and maybe someone else on the opposite side of the globe can find it and say, hey, yeah. i'm not the only freak who thinks this way, huh? cause everyone wants to connect. and i can finally admit that about myself.