cant. get. off. couch.
mmuuunnnggggghhhh.
last night i was driving and i came to a light and was gonna make a left so i was waiting for the opposing traffic to finish driving through and then i turned on red. and i look in the rear view and the person behind me turned too. and i think YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE that is DANGEROUS!
like somehow i justified that it is ok for me to do it but not ok for anyone else.
ahahahahahaha
oh and later when i was going home this asshole did something asshole-ish i dont even remember what it was and i was tempted to flip him off. but i stopped because i remembered this:
one time i was driving home at like 3am with my friend k in the car. we were listening to cibo matto. and she was coming down from a loud manic frenzy so she was all slumped over spacing out and singing and well, i was just driving and listening to her sing like a high-pitched japanese girl (even tho she is not japanese).
so we are on the highway and there is absolutely NO ONE else on the road and there are like 3 or 4 lanes and i am in the far left one but it really doesnt matter where i am, you know, because no one else is around.
and out of nowhere a car comes up from behind and decides that he will get right behind me and ride my ass in order to muscle me into submissively changing lanes. and im like, "WHAT A PRICK" because really, he could have easily driven around me. BUT NO HE IS A FUCKING DOUCHE and has to crawl up my ass and be a tough guy.
so i give in and move over and sacrifice my pride because i dont feel like playing the game. but as he starts to pass me i decide that i am a tough guy too so i throw him the finger against the window without even looking over.
and out of the corner of my eye i see him all of a sudden slow down and i look over and it is a state trooper.
and my heart jumps into my throat and i say "FUCK" and he drops back and gets behind me. and then i say, "uh, k, i just flipped off a state trooper" because she didn't notice because she was too busy singing and orbiting inside her head.
so she sits up all straight and puts on her seatbelt and says, "are we done?" (hahahaha)
and he follows me for about 5 agonizing minutes while i am going over what i will say if he pulls me over. we decide i will say something like, "i am sorry. i wouldn't have normally done that but i thought my safety was being threatened." (looking back, i do not think there is any law against saying "fuck you" with your hand).
and then finally he pulls around me, and takes off at about 300 mph. and then we bust into hysterical laughter for the rest of the ride home.
4 comments:
i especially like when they are sitting at a light and then decide to turn on their lights and fly through the intersection as if they are up to something important and then not far down the road they turn their lights off.
WHOA! ill read all that later...
Ok read it. You tell great stories. I fucking hate cops, unless your dad or brother is one. In that case they are cool.
thanks, i have a very exciting life. no cops in the family.
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