i have been very neglectful of my little blog here. i think one of my problems is that i get online and start reading everyone else's blogs and then 2 hours later i am like all depressed and shit because i have been on the internet for 2 hours instead of doing whatever it is i had set out in the 1st place (like school stuff or having a life or something). i also get depressed when i read some blogs and i'm like these people are awesome writers i have nothing of interest to say and wah wah i suck blah blah poor me and my boring life. which is bullshit i know but i still do it. o and thank you guys for commenting on me and telling me to write some shit again and all. it was good to know that people were actually interested in reading the stuff that leaks outta my head.
and i realize now that when i get online i lose all self control and cannot stop and then i feel guilty and lame. GUILT RUNS MY LIFE. that is not entirely true but i'm sick of feeling that way. i am going to try to stop blaming the fact that i was brought up catholic but notice how i just mentioned it? passive-aggressive. HA CATHOLICISM TAUGHT ME THAT TOO! ha just kidding. sort of.
i have been debating with myself too about starting a new totally anonymous blog that i can be totally candid with and write whatever i want to without thinking about what people who i actually know would think if they found it. and then i am like, whatever, i should be able to to do that here and fuck what people think. i'm still not sure. like maybe what if i want to go into great detail about my vagina or something and then i am like, no, don't do that because what is so and so reads this and then he knows about my vagina. whatever. we'll see.
o man lemme just tell you that school has been INTENSE these past 2 weeks. the first week was 5 days straight of 6 hour LECTURES with short little breaks here and there. we are in maternal-newborn and i have nothing but uteruses and cervixes and placentas and terms like fundus and vernix caseosa floating thru my head all the time. literally.
it is crazy. i was really worried about this portion of nursing school because i am like, i know nothing about pregnancy ack scary. but it has been actually pretty cool.
yesterday i got to see a cesarean and it was awesome. i never thought i'd be so excited to see them cut a woman open and pull a baby out.
seeing it on the video you are all like OH MY GOD ICK AUGH ARG WHOA but then in real life you are like, right, okay, this is just how it goes. it was surreal. i mostly just tried to stay outta the way because there were 3 million people in there. the mom was under general anesthesia, so they were worried about the baby and had to work fast because the baby gets the anesthesia too. there was 1 anesthesiologist, 2 nurses from the NICU (neonatal ICU), 2 doctors and 2 nurses who actually were in on the surgery, 1 scrub nurse (who hands the docs the instruments and such), my instructor, and myself. it was impressive.i actually kinda missed the best part when the baby's head emerged (like something out of Alien) because one of the doctors needed a stool to stand on because she was short so i brought it over and stuck it under her. the baby was all purplish-blue and the NICU nurses were taking care of him for the 1st 5 minutes until he pinked up. then i got to check him out and put the ointment in his little eyes take all his measurements and give him a vitamin k injection into his little leg muscle which really pissed him off.
i am still scared to death sort of of seeing a regular birth. like i have never been through it so how can i really help comfort someone who is trying to push a person out of their body? i'm sure it will be fine tho.
ok i have GOT to go take a shower and get an oil change. bye.
11 comments:
Vaginal delivery isn't that gross, well exept for right after it comes out and there's this huge explosion of fluid coming out of the vag...gross...
Yeh you could have another blog for just the vagina posts. Like a "Vagina Monoblog". Ha, I gotta million of 'em!
I read your blog, I just never comment. I am not having children because I am so terrified and grossed out by having a human grow in you and then you push it out. Ew.
I think if you can handle watching them cut a baby out of a woman's stomach, you can handle anything.
This post is why I will never physically give birth to children. I'm all about a surrogate, though.
yay for posting! and nursing is cool. the only part about childbirth that scares me is this.
i mean this: http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/1451354.html
you are NOT the only one who wonders who will read your blog .. and if you have anything worth writing about... and what if-God forbid -someone you know reads your blog.. You just put down in words what I think about all the time!
If you want my two cents.. I say keep writing as you are- you have a good style and know how to tell a story.
and if you don't mind- I'm adding you to my list o' blogs.
it's wierd but the whole childbirth thing has actually gotten a lot less scary now that i've learned about it in a clinical sense. you'd think it would be the opposite.
i haven't seen a vaginal birth yet tho, and oh god the tears i am in fear too.
thanks mallow!
sister i hear you. i can't post about shit for fear of HURTING SOMEONE"S FEELINGS.
never you mind that i'm the most sensitive person on earth...
i am kinda grossed out by babies all the way from conception to age 4 or so.
my blog isn't anonymous but then nobody really knows about it, or if they do they don't tell me. but i know how you feel. except i wouldn't be so worried about talking about my vagina (if i had one, which would be a big reason to talk about it). i'm more scared about talking about religious or political views. but i just come out and do it and see what happens. i figure if someone suddenly stops commenting, i probably offended them. of they just don't like me anymore. oh well.
oh and with what you do looking at other blogs and then getting depressed because other people write so well - i do that too, and even more so with photography. looking at all the amazing photos people take actually makes me want to give up photography sometimes. weird, huh.
Post a Comment